Grief during assisted reproduction

We refer to a couple as infertile when, after a year of frequent sexual intercourse without contraception, they may experience grief during assisted reproduction due to the difficulty of achieving pregnancy.

Factors such as physical causes, age, eating disorders, high levels of stress, genetic defects, infections, excessive alcohol consumption, etc., can all play a role, whether they affect the woman, the man, or both. These difficulties are often accompanied by emotional challenges such as grief during assisted reproduction, which can deeply affect couples.

Assisted reproduction: How to cope with grief during treatment

Having difficulty conceiving naturally is one of the most stressful situations a couple can face. After a reasonable amount of time, we seek advice from specialised clinics to understand and find alternatives that will allow us to achieve our dream.

Taking this step and considering starting assisted reproduction treatment adds more uncertainty and anxiety and psychological stress that is important to address, as you will have to face numerous medical tests, evaluations, diagnoses and treatments, the results of which will not always be favourable in guaranteeing the best conditions for pregnancy.

In this sense, we talk about grief during assisted reproduction when we have to face a diagnosis of infertility or sterility or adverse or negative results, as this involves managing our emotions, adjusting our expectations and recovering from a loss or a situation of non-pregnancy. It is necessary to know how to manage these moments, which are often part of fertility treatments, in order to stabilise ourselves emotionally and face this process with the best possible attitude.

Genetic grief in assisted reproduction: Keys to overcoming it

Talking about grief means talking about a person’s emotional reaction to a significant loss, not only in relation to people who are important to us, as we can see, but also symbolic losses such as the ‘loss of time in the face of a possible pregnancy’, ‘loss of the possibility of becoming a mother/father’, ‘losing the opportunity to start a family’, ‘giving my parents grandchildren’, etc.

We need to give ourselves space to manage our emotions of sadness, anger, guilt or helplessness in the face of adverse results and to restructure, on a cognitive level, all those thoughts that initially overwhelm us. It is essential to understand that this is a long road for which we must be prepared.

A specific type of grief that is unique to assisted reproduction processes is known as ‘genetic grief’. When we talk about genetic grief, we are referring to the set of cognitive and emotional processes that arise when an infertile person and/or couple accepts that they will not be able to conceive with their own genetic material. Receiving gametes from another person becomes the option that will allow them to achieve the desired pregnancy, but it often raises doubts, fear, misunderstanding and resistance.

In egg donation, for example, we consider how to deal with pregnancy when the egg is not your own. For many people, this can be a source of added stress because it involves facing fears such as ‘what if it doesn’t look like me/us?’, ‘how do I tell them where they came from?’, ‘am I really a mother/father?’, etc.

Psychological support is key at times like these, when the person or couple questions even the meaning of motherhood/fatherhood, in order to reframe these concepts and resolve fears and doubts.

Coping strategies for grief during assisted reproduction

When we talk about grief during assisted reproduction, it is important to highlight that no one should go through this process alone. Seeking professional psychological counselling is often the first step in learning how to manage overwhelming emotions. In addition, support groups can play a valuable role, as sharing experiences with others who are going through the same difficulties helps reduce feelings of isolation and hopelessness.

Mind–body techniques such as mindfulness, yoga or relaxation therapy can also support emotional well-being. Couples are encouraged to maintain open communication, respecting each other’s feelings and recognising that grief can be experienced differently by each partner.

Finally, reframing the journey is essential: while the pain of infertility is real, assisted reproduction offers multiple alternatives and paths to parenthood. Understanding grief during assisted reproduction and seeking timely psychological support can make the journey more manageable and hopeful.

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